New Identity Theft Prevention Method

We have discovered a new way to prevent Identity Theft. Until now, we have been using a crosscut shredder, which chops things up into tiny little bits. Now we are using a two-way "chew and slobber" shredder (Patent Pending - not really). Not only is the information on the paper unrecognizable, it is also way too disgusting for any identity thief to want to touch. I feel safe, and the girls are earning their room and board. Perfect!